en-fr  When love is eclipsed by reality
Une éclipse solaire est tombé autour du premier anniversaire de la fin de ma relation. Lorsqu'il est arrivé sur mon histoire d'amour, le soleil était sorti depuis longtemps. Pour marquer l'occasion, j'avais couru à travers le High Park de Toronto essayant d'éviter les couples enlacés sur la pelouse et buvant du Champagne. Ils étaient très excités d'être témoin de la magie céleste. J'envisageais où m'avait mené de courir après la magie. Il s'avère que l'amour est quelque chose que vous devriez éviter de regarder en face.

Travailler, écrire et rechercher la beauté et les bonnes personnes m'ont aidé à me sentir mieux. Mais, après plus d'un an toute seule, je voudrais pouvoir remonter le temps pour donner à mon moi de 20 ans une réalité. Si j'avais commencé dans un endroit différent, je n'aurais peut-être pas eu besoin de me protéger de la romance pendant que je traversais le parc.

In my 20s, I was that girl who watched every romantic comedy and took mental notes. I was obsessed with When Harry Met Sally. I was looking for a romantic arc anywhere I could find one. Harry, running through New York on New Year's Eve, breathless: "I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." Sigh.

Man, did I ever hold on to the idea of romantic love for dear life. I met a guy, wrote the script, cast the movie and, for a while, thought I had it all. We have a beautiful daughter. She's the kind of kid who lights up a room without trying. Over 11 years, we built a life. The business end of being a couple was chugging along fine. The love part wasn't.

I forgot to account for the fact that humans are infinitely more complicated and unpredictable than we can know. I forgot to calculate for my imperfections. My failings. We plummeted out of love. It would be satisfying for some to hear me lay blame. It would be easy to get angry. The truth is our paths were destined to diverge. I held on longer than I should have. Over the past year, the most difficult of my life so far, I dismantled the story of perfect love, sentence by sentence.

Now, I try to remember that love can't last forever and rarely looks the way we imagined. We can't control our romantic outcomes any more than we can control the sun. The churn of life pulls at the threads of love in unexpected and unforgiving ways. It's brutal. But, as a battle-worn friend reminded me, "Life doesn't care." No kidding.

I'm not a religious person. I normally find support in the kindness of other humans. I try to find comfort in the idea that there is more good than bad in the world. I want to be soothed by the belief that if I offer love and understanding I'm more likely to earn it in return. However, after a year's worth of personal misery, coupled with the drumbeat of depressing news, I'm having second thoughts. Shared trust is more precarious than I expected.

My globetrotting brother recently returned to Canada after years abroad, including lots of time in East and South Asia. He encouraged me to view my experience through the lens of Buddhist truths. Basically, we suffer because everything is impermanent. We suffer because we hold on to the things, the people, the routines and the sense of reality we feel we need so we can avoid the brutality of change. Change finds us regardless, cue the drama.

For me, clinging to ideas and expectations creates the worst kind of misery. It is easy to get lost in the space between what we think life should be and what is actually possible. I am heartbroken that, despite doing many things right, I can't protect anyone from the hardships of life. The people I love are vulnerable. I am too. Life is a speeding train. I've been using every ounce of energy I have to try to change its direction. I have learned this year that choice is wasted effort.

Buddhists recommend we avoid attachment and live in the present moment. They say we should consider the bigger picture so we can see life for what it is. These choices should, in theory, help us connect to the world around us with compassion. Putting these ideals into practice takes a lifetime and probably more meditation than I can pull off. After all, I can barely manage to stay off my phone many days. But, still, worth a try. My brother did remind me that despite the drama of our experience in North America we are fortunate. It wouldn't hurt to stop trying so hard to control the world around us.

I've come to understand that there is little about life that is neat and tidy. I should stop waiting for the perfect outcome. I can't write the ending to my story after all. It is what it is.

Love might be the rapturous thrill of one stolen kiss. Or maybe it's about holding hands in rocking chairs after years of battles and companionship. Or perhaps it's the wealth you gain from accumulated kindness and support from friends and family. The joy of a million moments we never expected.

I've spent too much time trying to figure it out. It is a fool's errand. Reason and love are incompatible. Love happens. Submit to reality. Show up with compassion. Move through life – mess and all – with gratitude. That's the job.

At the end of my run I walked up and across the pedestrian bridge over the train tracks that leads to my home. My neighbours lined the bridge, their heads tilted, eyes focused on the sky. They were buzzing with anticipation for the next exciting thing. I was not compelled to look. I'm focused on letting go.
unit 1
A solar eclipse happened to fall around the one-year anniversary of my relationship ending.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 7 months, 3 weeks ago
unit 2
When it came to my love story, the sun had gone out long ago.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 7 months, 2 weeks ago
unit 4
They were thrilled for the chance to witness celestial magic.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 7 months, 2 weeks ago
unit 5
I was considering where chasing magic has gotten me.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 7 months, 3 weeks ago
unit 6
Love, it turns out, is something you should avoid looking at directly.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 7 months, 2 weeks ago
unit 7
Working, writing and seeking out beauty and good people have helped me feel better.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 7 months, 2 weeks ago
unit 11
I was obsessed with When Harry Met Sally.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 12
I was looking for a romantic arc anywhere I could find one.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 14
Sigh.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 15
Man, did I ever hold on to the idea of romantic love for dear life.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 17
We have a beautiful daughter.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 18
She's the kind of kid who lights up a room without trying.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 19
Over 11 years, we built a life.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 20
The business end of being a couple was chugging along fine.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 21
The love part wasn't.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 23
I forgot to calculate for my imperfections.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 24
My failings.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 25
We plummeted out of love.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 26
It would be satisfying for some to hear me lay blame.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 27
It would be easy to get angry.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 28
The truth is our paths were destined to diverge.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 29
I held on longer than I should have.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 32
unit 34
It's brutal.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 35
But, as a battle-worn friend reminded me, "Life doesn't care."
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 36
No kidding.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 37
I'm not a religious person.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 38
I normally find support in the kindness of other humans.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 42
Shared trust is more precarious than I expected.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 44
unit 45
Basically, we suffer because everything is impermanent.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 47
Change finds us regardless, cue the drama.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 48
unit 51
The people I love are vulnerable.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 52
I am too.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 53
Life is a speeding train.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 54
unit 55
I have learned this year that choice is wasted effort.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 56
Buddhists recommend we avoid attachment and live in the present moment.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 60
After all, I can barely manage to stay off my phone many days.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 61
But, still, worth a try.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 63
It wouldn't hurt to stop trying so hard to control the world around us.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 65
I should stop waiting for the perfect outcome.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 66
I can't write the ending to my story after all.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 67
It is what it is.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 68
Love might be the rapturous thrill of one stolen kiss.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 71
The joy of a million moments we never expected.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 72
I've spent too much time trying to figure it out.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 73
It is a fool's errand.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 74
Reason and love are incompatible.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 75
Love happens.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 76
Submit to reality.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 77
Show up with compassion.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 78
Move through life – mess and all – with gratitude.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 79
That's the job.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 81
unit 82
They were buzzing with anticipation for the next exciting thing.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 83
I was not compelled to look.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 84
I'm focused on letting go.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None

A solar eclipse happened to fall around the one-year anniversary of my relationship ending. When it came to my love story, the sun had gone out long ago. To mark the occasion, I ran through Toronto's High Park trying to avoid couples entangled on the lawn drinking Champagne. They were thrilled for the chance to witness celestial magic. I was considering where chasing magic has gotten me. Love, it turns out, is something you should avoid looking at directly.

Working, writing and seeking out beauty and good people have helped me feel better. But, after more than a year on my own, I wish could go back in time to give my 20-year-old self a reality check. Had I started in a different place, maybe I wouldn't have needed to shield myself from romance as I ran through the park.

In my 20s, I was that girl who watched every romantic comedy and took mental notes. I was obsessed with When Harry Met Sally. I was looking for a romantic arc anywhere I could find one. Harry, running through New York on New Year's Eve, breathless: "I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." Sigh.

Man, did I ever hold on to the idea of romantic love for dear life. I met a guy, wrote the script, cast the movie and, for a while, thought I had it all. We have a beautiful daughter. She's the kind of kid who lights up a room without trying. Over 11 years, we built a life. The business end of being a couple was chugging along fine. The love part wasn't.

I forgot to account for the fact that humans are infinitely more complicated and unpredictable than we can know. I forgot to calculate for my imperfections. My failings. We plummeted out of love. It would be satisfying for some to hear me lay blame. It would be easy to get angry. The truth is our paths were destined to diverge. I held on longer than I should have. Over the past year, the most difficult of my life so far, I dismantled the story of perfect love, sentence by sentence.

Now, I try to remember that love can't last forever and rarely looks the way we imagined. We can't control our romantic outcomes any more than we can control the sun. The churn of life pulls at the threads of love in unexpected and unforgiving ways. It's brutal. But, as a battle-worn friend reminded me, "Life doesn't care." No kidding.

I'm not a religious person. I normally find support in the kindness of other humans. I try to find comfort in the idea that there is more good than bad in the world. I want to be soothed by the belief that if I offer love and understanding I'm more likely to earn it in return. However, after a year's worth of personal misery, coupled with the drumbeat of depressing news, I'm having second thoughts. Shared trust is more precarious than I expected.

My globetrotting brother recently returned to Canada after years abroad, including lots of time in East and South Asia. He encouraged me to view my experience through the lens of Buddhist truths. Basically, we suffer because everything is impermanent. We suffer because we hold on to the things, the people, the routines and the sense of reality we feel we need so we can avoid the brutality of change. Change finds us regardless, cue the drama.

For me, clinging to ideas and expectations creates the worst kind of misery. It is easy to get lost in the space between what we think life should be and what is actually possible. I am heartbroken that, despite doing many things right, I can't protect anyone from the hardships of life. The people I love are vulnerable. I am too. Life is a speeding train. I've been using every ounce of energy I have to try to change its direction. I have learned this year that choice is wasted effort.

Buddhists recommend we avoid attachment and live in the present moment. They say we should consider the bigger picture so we can see life for what it is. These choices should, in theory, help us connect to the world around us with compassion. Putting these ideals into practice takes a lifetime and probably more meditation than I can pull off. After all, I can barely manage to stay off my phone many days. But, still, worth a try. My brother did remind me that despite the drama of our experience in North America we are fortunate. It wouldn't hurt to stop trying so hard to control the world around us.

I've come to understand that there is little about life that is neat and tidy. I should stop waiting for the perfect outcome. I can't write the ending to my story after all. It is what it is.

Love might be the rapturous thrill of one stolen kiss. Or maybe it's about holding hands in rocking chairs after years of battles and companionship. Or perhaps it's the wealth you gain from accumulated kindness and support from friends and family. The joy of a million moments we never expected.

I've spent too much time trying to figure it out. It is a fool's errand. Reason and love are incompatible. Love happens. Submit to reality. Show up with compassion. Move through life – mess and all – with gratitude. That's the job.

At the end of my run I walked up and across the pedestrian bridge over the train tracks that leads to my home. My neighbours lined the bridge, their heads tilted, eyes focused on the sky. They were buzzing with anticipation for the next exciting thing. I was not compelled to look. I'm focused on letting go.