en-fr  ‘Phelps vs. Shark,’ Reviewed by a Shark
'Phelps vs Requin', revu par un requin.

La course très controversée de Discovery entre Michael Phelps et un grand requin blanc provoque une évaluation sans pitié : « Le Connecticut est délicieux ».

Par Fred le Requin, The Wall Street Journal, le 24 juillet 2017.

Tout d'abord, le nom du requin est Larry. Le grand Michael Phelps a perdu face à un requin nommé Larry.

Lorsque le Journal m'a demandé de commenter la course très attendue du dimanche soir, diffusée sur la chaîne Discovery, j'ai hésité. J'ai un été parfaitement agréable en train de chasser des phoques riches et tonifiés des Hamptons. Pourquoi devrais-je m'impliquer dans cette absurdité humaine ?

Mais alors je l'ai regardée, et j'ai pensé : c'est tellement stupide. Quelqu'un doit parler pour les requins ici.

Et parler aussi pour Larry.* Le narrateur de Discovery Channel a continué à dire que Phelps était en course contre un requin généré par ordinateur, mais Discovery peut me mordre. Je connais les Grands Blancs, et Larry en était un. Un bon requin.* Avait une copropriété par ici. Un mec discret. Rapide. Deux enfants, tous deux adultes maintenant. Divorcé. On dirait qu'il a perdu quelques kilos.

Discovery a également déclaré qu'ils l'ont filmé en Afrique du Sud. Je sais de source sûre qu'ils l'ont fait au large de la côte du Connecticut suburbain. Oui : nous sommes partout cet été. Le Connecticut est délicieux.

Quoi qu'il en soit, nous sommes tous fiers de Larry ici, mais aucun requin n'est surpris qu'il ait battu Phelps de deux secondes dans une course de 100 mètres. Regardez la cassette à nouveau : Larry a pris ça calmement. Il a joué avec Phelps. Il a toujours le contrôle. Il aurait pu complètement écraser le gars.

Mais cela n'aurait pas été bon pour votre petite emission télévisée stupide, n'est-ce pas ?

Donc, Larry a ralenti et blagué Phelps et l'a fait beaucoup plus près qu'il ne l'aurait été. Je me demande si Larry a été payé. Discovery a-t-il déclaré que le requin était « généré par ordinateur » afin de se barrer sans payer Larry? Je commence vraiment à être remonté.

Pour être clair : personne dans la communauté des requins n'a de problème avec Michael Phelps. Ce mec sait nager. Il est vieux et féroce, et préfère l'eau à la terre, comment ne pas aimer ça? Il n'a pas à prouver quoi que ce soit aux requins.

Phelps devait savoir qu'il perdrait. Je parie qu'il a reçu un gros chèque de Discovery. Tant mieux pour lui. Il devrait en jeter un peu à Larry.*

Dans l'ensemble, la spéciale "Phelps contre le requin" m'a rendu presque fou. Les biologistes nazes de la marine ont continué à critiquer les requins de ne pas être capables de nager en ligne droite. Quoi ? Nous pouvons parfaitement nager en ligne droite. * Nous choisissons juste de ne pas le faire. Ces biologistes marins doivent faire attention, ou un jour, je nagerai en ligne droite jusqu'à leur bateau.

Une autre chose qui m'a vraiment agacé était la façon dont ils ont continué à s'extasier sur la gloire olympique de Phelps et la compétitivité du gars. *

« Il aime juste gagner », a déclaré quelqu'un.

S'il vous plaît. Je vais vomir. Les humains font toujours tout sur eux-mêmes. Les requins sont compétitifs ! Les requins veulent aussi gagner. Vous pensez nous regardons "Jaws" et encourageons Richard Dreyfuss ?

Et Discovery a donné à Phelps tous les avantages imaginables. Ils l'ont filmé pendant la journée. Ils laissent Phelps mettre une combinaison de plongée. Il a également mis un type de « monopalme » sur ses pieds pour propulsion. Je ne suis pas si sûr de cette monopalme. Elle ressemblait à une paire de chaussures de vélo attachées à une spatule de Williams-Sonoma.

Et quand même Larry lui a donné un coup de pied en derrière.

Phelps était respectueux de l'ensemble, disant qu'il avait toujours rêvé de nager parmi les requins. C'était sympa, mais j'ai attendu que le présentateur aille voir Larry pour son interview d'après course, et ils ne l'ont jamais fait. Que diable, Discovery ?

J'ai passé la matinée à écouter Shark Sports Radio, et "Phelps contre le Requin" est tout ce dont on parle. Eh bien, ça et Kyrie Irving. Qu'est-ce que Kyrie Irving pense ? Il veut quitter LeBron ? Les humains sont fous, je vous le dis.

Je sais que les humains sont irrités à propos de « Phelps contre le Requin », en l'appelant un cascade publicitaire risible, mais vous ventouses avez reçu ce que vous avez mérité.

Vous n'avez jamais eu une chance. Les requins règnent. Phelps est cool, mais le reste d'entre vous a sauté le Larry.

La colonne de Fred le Requin a été dictée au journaliste Jason Gay (jason.gay@wsj.com)

https://www.wsj.com/article_email/phelps-vs-shark-reviewed-by-a-shark-1500897415-lMyQjAxMTE3NTI2NDMyOTQyWj/
unit 1
‘Phelps vs. Shark,’ Reviewed by a Shark.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 3
By Fred the Shark, The Wall Street Journal, July 24, 2017.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 4
First of all, the shark’s name is Larry.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 5
The great Michael Phelps lost to a shark named Larry.
2 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 7
I’m having a perfectly enjoyable summer chasing rich, toned seals off the Hamptons.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 8
Why should I get involved in this human nonsense?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 9
But then I watched it, and I thought: This is so dumb.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 10
Somebody’s got to speak for the sharks here.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 11
And speak for Larry, too.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 13
I know Great Whites, and that was Larry.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 14
Good shark.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 15
Used to have a condo up this way.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 16
Low-key guy.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 17
Fast.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 18
Couple of kids, both grown-ups now.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 19
Divorced.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 20
Looks like he’s lost a couple of pounds.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 21
Discovery also said they filmed it in South Africa.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 22
I know for a fact they did it off the coast of suburban Connecticut.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 23
Yes: we’re everywhere this summer.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 24
Connecticut is delicious.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 26
Watch the tape again: Larry took it easy.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 27
He toyed with Phelps.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 28
He’s always in control.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 29
He could have completely crushed the guy.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 30
But that wouldn’t have been good for your silly little TV show, would it?
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 31
So, Larry slowed down and teased Phelps and made it a lot closer than it should have been.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 32
I wonder if Larry got paid.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 33
Did Discovery say the shark was “computer generated” in order to skip out on paying Larry?
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 34
I’m starting to get really steamed.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 35
To be clear: Nobody in the shark community has a problem with Michael Phelps.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 36
That dude can swim.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 37
He’s old and fierce, and prefers water to land, what’s not to like?
3 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 38
He doesn’t have to prove anything to sharks.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 39
Phelps had to know he would lose.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 40
I bet he got a sweet check from Discovery.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 41
Good for him.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 42
He should throw a little over to Larry.
2 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 43
As a whole, the “Phelps vs. Shark” special pretty much drove me nuts.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 44
The marine biologist nerds kept criticizing sharks for not being able to swim in a straight line.
3 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 45
What?
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 46
We can totally swim in a straight line.
2 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 47
We just choose not to.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 50
“He just loves to win,” somebody said.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 51
Please.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 52
I’m going to throw up.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 53
Humans always make everything about themselves.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 54
Sharks are competitive!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 55
Sharks also want to win.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 56
You think we watch “Jaws” and root for Richard Dreyfuss?
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 57
And Discovery gave Phelps every conceivable advantage.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 58
They filmed it during the day.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 59
They let Phelps wear a wetsuit.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 60
He also got to put some kind of “monofin” on his feet for propulsion.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 61
I’m not so sure about that monofin.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 62
It looked like a pair of bike shoes attached to a spatula from Williams-Sonoma.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 63
And Larry still kicked his behind.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 64
unit 66
What the heck, Discovery?
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 68
Well, that and Kyrie Irving.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 69
What is Kyrie Irving thinking?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 70
He wants to leave LeBron?
3 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 71
Humans are crazy, I’m telling you.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 73
You never had a shot.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 74
Sharks rule.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 75
Phelps is cool, but the rest of you have jumped the Larry.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
unit 76
Fred the Shark’s column was dictated to Journal columnist Jason Gay (jason.gay@wsj.com).
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 3 months ago
markvanroode • 6511  translated  unit 45  1 year, 3 months ago
francevw • 13970  translated  unit 17  1 year, 3 months ago
markvanroode • 6511  translated  unit 17  1 year, 3 months ago

‘Phelps vs. Shark,’ Reviewed by a Shark.

Discovery’s much-ballyhooed race between Michael Phelps and a great white shark prompts a cold-blooded assessment; ‘Connecticut is delicious’.

By Fred the Shark, The Wall Street Journal, July 24, 2017.

First of all, the shark’s name is Larry. The great Michael Phelps lost to a shark named Larry.

When the Journal asked me to review Sunday night’s televised, hugely-hyped “Phelps vs. Shark” race on the Discovery Channel, I hesitated. I’m having a perfectly enjoyable summer chasing rich, toned seals off the Hamptons. Why should I get involved in this human nonsense?

But then I watched it, and I thought:
This is so dumb. Somebody’s got to speak for the sharks here.

And speak for Larry, too. The Discovery Channel narrator kept saying Phelps was racing a computer-generated shark, but Discovery can bite me. I know Great Whites, and that was Larry. Good shark. Used to have a condo up this way. Low-key guy. Fast. Couple of kids, both grown-ups now. Divorced. Looks like he’s lost a couple of pounds.

Discovery also said they filmed it in South Africa. I know for a fact they did it off the coast of suburban Connecticut. Yes: we’re everywhere this summer. Connecticut is delicious.

Anyway, we’re all proud of Larry here, but no shark is surprised that he beat Phelps by two seconds in a 100-meter race. Watch the tape again: Larry took it easy. He toyed with Phelps. He’s always in control. He could have completely crushed the guy.

But that wouldn’t have been good for your silly little TV show, would it?

So, Larry slowed down and teased Phelps and made it a lot closer than it should have been. I wonder if Larry got paid. Did Discovery say the shark was “computer generated” in order to skip out on paying Larry? I’m starting to get really steamed.

To be clear: Nobody in the shark community has a problem with Michael Phelps. That dude can swim. He’s old and fierce, and prefers water to land, what’s not to like? He doesn’t have to prove anything to sharks.

Phelps had to know he would lose. I bet he got a sweet check from Discovery. Good for him. He should throw a little over to Larry.

As a whole, the “Phelps vs. Shark” special pretty much drove me nuts. The marine biologist nerds kept criticizing sharks for not being able to swim in a straight line. What? We can totally swim in a straight line. We just choose not to. Those marine biologists better be careful, or one day I’m going to swim in a straight line right up to their boat.

Another thing that really annoyed me was how they kept rhapsodizing about Phelps’s Olympic glory and how competitive the guy is.

“He just loves to win,” somebody said.

Please. I’m going to throw up. Humans always make everything about themselves. Sharks are competitive! Sharks also want to win. You think we watch “Jaws” and root for Richard Dreyfuss?

And Discovery gave Phelps every conceivable advantage. They filmed it during the day. They let Phelps wear a wetsuit. He also got to put some kind of “monofin” on his feet for propulsion. I’m not so sure about that monofin. It looked like a pair of bike shoes attached to a spatula from Williams-Sonoma.

And Larry still kicked his behind.

Phelps was respectful about the whole thing, saying he’d always dreamed of swimming among the sharks. That was nice, but I kept waiting for the announcer to go to Larry for his post-race interview, and they never did. What the heck, Discovery?

I’ve spent the morning listening to Shark Sports Radio, and “Phelps vs. Shark” is all anyone is talking about. Well, that and Kyrie Irving. What is Kyrie Irving thinking? He wants to leave LeBron? Humans are crazy, I’m telling you.

I know humans are irritated about “Phelps vs. Shark,” calling it a cheesy publicity stunt, but you suckers got what you deserved.

You never had a shot. Sharks rule. Phelps is cool, but the rest of you have jumped the Larry.

Fred the Shark’s column was dictated to Journal columnist Jason Gay (jason.gay@wsj.com).

https://www.wsj.com/article_email/phelps-vs-shark-reviewed-by-a-shark-1500897415-lMyQjAxMTE3NTI2NDMyOTQyWj/