de-en  Gontard_Schuck: Seelenverkäufer
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/35999/35999-h/35999-h.htm M.Gontard-Schuck Traders of Innocent Souls The Fate of a German-American 1. Part: Childhood For the last time you lie here in front of me, my trusted companion. And for the last time, before I send you out into the world.

Musingly my eyes are resting upon the first notes from that time, when the locked doors of life opened for me.

A child I was at that time, and how intensively has fate forged me, to make me a person who understands people and human weaknesses.

And wasn't it good that I was still so young? How else would it have been possibe to completely overcome the terrible events of the first part of my youth?

The childlike callow writings in front of me, which as yet show no character, arouse only an inkling of wistful emotion in me.

Of the pain, the bitterness of those days, I feel nothing, nothing at all any more.

Perhaps because I understand now, how everything could occur, yes, how everything had to occur.

As a debt implying other ones, and as the ancient curse fulfilled on myself, like the wrongdoing of the parents found its atonement.

And was it a transgression at all? Was it a sin?

My poor mother, what did she know about sin in the loneliness of her woods?

Her parents were quiet, taciturn people, and she often felt very alone in the big old hunting cottage up in the mountains.

And the heir to the throne who, as an ardent huntsman often spent whole weeks up there, had enough time and leisure to spare after his early morning deer-stalking, to mess about with the pretty forester's daughter. ...

More that it was good for the peace and happiness of the girl. --- The Prince was a handsome man, and the forester's daughter loved him.

Of course she had to love him!

How seldom strangers came into the lonely woods; and how understandable it is that her young heart was attracted to the first one who showed an interest in her.

Who then wants to talk of guilt and sin?

But the young girl's rosy red dream of pie in the sky was harshly destroyed, when consequences became apparent.

And Lisbeth had to get married. Admittedly not the prince, but probably the one who cocked his rifle. . . .

All attempts at resistance were to no avail, the father was relentless!

It was the wish of His Highness, so it was a command for him.

The attendant received the lease for the domain Neuhof, and I was born as the daughter of Georg Albrecht, the ducal leaseholder of the domain. — I envy anyone who can look back on a happy, untroubled childhood.

My earliest memories are attached to specific, ugly scenes in my childhood home.

The sorrowful and weeping mother, creeping about; the angrily scolding father are my oldest memories.

I remember later that my mother was always ill.

There were nasty scenes even then.

I'm afraid I didn't love my mother as much as she would have deserved from me.

Her quiet endurance did not suit my wild, impetuous nature.

I would have loved nothing better than to go for her tormentor`s jugular, when he had harsh words for her, when he called me changeling or another man`s brat. ...

Though I did not understand the meaning of his words at all. - I was not even twelve years old when my mother died.

For the poor woman who suffered patiently it was a release - for me a misfortune, whose consequences I could only fully fathom in later years.

Only much later, decades later, did I slowly comprehend what was taken away from me on that day.

I remember the years after my mother's death till my fiftheen's birthday as an unbroken chain of trials.

The bright spots were, when I was allowed to go and see my grandparents At their place, I was at home.

And one day, when I had been beaten by my father – unfairly, as I believed – I ran away and hiked on foot the nine hours through the forest to my grandparents.

I was allowed to stay with them for a few days, but then my father came and I had to go home with him again. ...

It was not love for me that drove him to fetch me again.

Only much later did I understand that, as long as he had me with him, a certain leniency was practised, whenever he was late with the rent. . . .

And doubtless, that was usually the case.

The fast-paced life that he led consumed too much.

In those days I often heard the sounds of clinking glasses and the merry laughter of women in the evenings, drifting up to me from the rooms below. ......

I was curious, very curious.

But old Rosine chided me whenever I asked her.

"You were dreaming, child! Everyone sleeps at night. Where would the women come from?" But I had not been dreaming. Now, I know it.

My diary.

I have bought myself a diary, and today I want to begin it, today on the anniversary of my dear mother's death.

But now that I am sitting in front of it, I do not know at all what I should write.

Nothing happens around me at all. Should I write that I am very unhappy?

I can't do that! I am myself not quite clear about my feelings.

I have done something really bad and don't know what will become of me; actually I should be unhappy about that, but I am not.

My grandparents will look after me, they have always done that. - And Rudolph? How is it that I think about him so little in my exile?

And why is it that I don't hear anything from him? Is his father still not well? - the 4th of February.

I am sitting in front of my diary again and don't know what to write.

So, I intend to record why I am here in E. and why I should actually be unhappy. -- At the beginning of the year I turned fifteen and was supposed to be confirmed at Easter.

Our inspector had left on January 1, and my father was always in a dreadful mood.

I went with the other village children to confirmation class with Pastor Eckebrecht.

The pastor was always very good to me, he often asked about my grandparents and also how it was going for us at home. ...

Also whether father often went into town in the evenings.

On Palm Sunday, my grandparents came; for me, that was the loveliest part of the entire confirmation. Grandmother always baked such great Sultana Cakes.

But we did not celebrate much at all because my father went right back to the city after the coffee and grandfather seemed to be angry about that.

I was glad that he was gone. It was much nicer alone with my grandparents.

Grandmother told me that I should stay in the house until the Autumn and then I should go forth in order to learn something.

What that should be, I didn't know, but it was all the same to me anyway. The most important thing to me was that I got away.

I also didn't worry about where to go, in any case, to a beautiful, big city where there were shop windows that you could look at yourself in.

Anna Marie Walter had once been in Dresden and had told me so much about it that I was quite curious. -- I did get away - but it is not very nice here. - - On April first, a volunteer had entered our house. The son of a landowner from Hesse.

He was very handsome, so smart and amusing that we were soon good friends. - Why Rudolph Schonewald had come just to us, I don't know, because he honestly could not learn much in our house.

Rosine told me that he had already been on several estates, but had not been able to stand it for long on any of them.

At our house it was not so important He paid us a decent amount which my father was able to put to good use. -- Rudolph had not been with us quite four weeks, when we already started to meet in secret. Sometimes in the fields and at other times in the woods close by.

I loved him very much and he called me his sweet, little Lotte.

Whether he loved me as much as I loved him? Now I often doubt it.

If I think about it, I sense that he was much cooler and calmer than me.

He had probably already known and loved several young girls. - For me it was something new, overwhelming.

In those blessed summer weeks, loaded with fragrance, it felt like being in a delirious dream. ... I was not myself.

This clandestine searching and finding. --- I was so overjoyed, everything in me urged me towards this man. - - Hay harvest! Bright sunlight and the scent of flowers!

The weather had been nice for days; the hay harvest was well underway.

Everything that had arms had to help. I helped too.

Had I also helped if the administrator had not been Rudolph Schönewald? - We were unloading hay. The foreman stood down on the cart and Rudolph stood in the hatch and took the load. . . .

I was standing somewhat behind and took the hay from Rudolph. . . . Up in the hayloft there were also two maids of lower rank, who stowed the hay.

All others, day-laborers, farm-hands, maids and reapers were in the field making hay.

When the wagon was empty, Rudolph sent both girls to the hayloft above the large barn where a wagon had already driven up.

In jest, he took an armful of hay and threw it over me so that I was completely buried underneath it.

I crawled out from it, took an armful of hay and did the same to him. – Hot and panting, we continued the game for a while, and then, exhausted by the exertion and the numbing fragrance, I sank into the hay.

Rudolph threw himself onto me and kissed me, ardently, passionately, dizzyingly - - - - I did not help to unload the next wagon. - - For days it was as though I was intoxicated. Did it show?

I did not dare to go out of the house. Couldn't everybody read in my face what I had done?

But nothing happened, everything was as before.

Everything was as before, only I was a different person. – For three days, I did not show my face in front of Rudolph, but then I couldn't bear it anymore. I had to see him, I had to know what he thought of me.

Was he also in such a miserable mood? Was he also ashamed?

I had to speak to him, but not during the day. I would not be able to look into his eyes. – – Towards evening, when it was dark, I went down the usual path that he knew.

My hopes did not betray me, after just a short time he followed me.

I could not look up at him as he came to me.

"Where have you been, Lotte? Why haven't you come out even once during the whole day?" he asked.

I lifted my eyes and looked him in the face. But I found nothing there except a slight astonishment about my unexplicable absence.

Was that possible then! Had that, which had jolted me to my innermost being, meant nothing to him at all?

I had become another person since that hour, and he?

I did not know, what I should say and stammered: "I - I am ashamed of myself." "You are my little lamb," he said laughing and enfolded me in his arms. "Come, let us go for a little walk." We met now daily and - soon I wasn't ashamed anymore. -- Everything becomes a matter of habit, and Rudolph knew how to lull my sting of remorse and self-recrimination.

Why, didn't we love each other?

Whose business was it that we secretly enjoyed the sweetness of love?

"When I am a few years older, when I have finished training and am free of the military, then you will of course become my wife, my sweet, little wife!" I was very young, very much in love, and the summer nights were sultry and full of fragrances. – – The summer is gone and with it my rosy, mysterious infatuation. – – In the first days of October a dispatch arrived for Rudolph that his father had suddenly fallen very seriously ill; he had to come home right away.

We could barely say goodbye, everything happened so quickly.

I was completely unhappy. Would he return before I was to go away? ...

Would I see him one more time before I went to boarding school?

I was generally in a completely terrible mood.

I have not been feeling well at all for the last few weeks. I was often so sick in the morning that I could barely raise my head.

I would have loved to stay here now. ... As much as I had looked forward to the boarding house at Easter, I now no longer had any desire for that at all.

Rosine wasn't good to me either, she scolded me all day round. I would have liked nothing better than to go to my grandmother's house.

Then, on the second Sunday after Rudolph's departure, my grandmother suddenly and quite unexpectedly came.

I don't know why, I was oddly anxious when she looked into my eyes.

The kind old face looked at me so grief-stricken. "Child, Child, what have you done,' she said, then sobbing.

I could not answer, I cried as well, although I didn't know at all about what.

Suddenly I was frightened, so strangely full of foreboding.

And then I learned of the reason for my grandmother's visit.

Rosine had written to her: All summer she had observed that this philanderer, this Schönewald fellow, had been chasing after me, and she had long been aware that not all was right with me. -- "Tell me, child, all crying doesn't help anymore, nor you can hide it," the grandmother said.

I told her everything. Grandma sat there very quietly. She was staring before her, looking so grief-stricken, that I could have screamed out loud.

When I had finished, she nodded quietly to herself several times, then a sigh ended the uneasy silence, and Grandma said: "You will accompany me tonight, Lottchen. Meanwhile, get your things ready. I will talk to your father. We will have to see what happens later". What was then negotiated about me downstairs, I do not know.

The reprimanding voice of my father often penetrated up to me, but also the normally soft voice of grandmother was unusually hard and clear.

The next day, I was in the hunting lodge. . . . The profound peace that was part of the lovely old house, did wonders to my soul.

The forest stream, that rushed through the garden, sang its wondrous song to me. I felt secure.

After a few days, I expected that Grandfather or Grandmother would talk to me, perhaps scold me.

But nothing like that happened at all. Grandfather didn't say anything. . . .. - It only seemed to me that he walked with more of a stoop and his hair had become whiter. -- What would become of me?

I wanted to write to Rudolph and found to my horror that I didn't even know his address.

I knew the name of his father's manor, but were was it situated?

Or was Rudolph back in Neuhof again? ...

I didn't dare ask my grandparents.

I think if they had scolded me, I would have felt better. This silent kindness was crushing me. At the end of the week Grandfather travelled to E. Grandmother told me that he was looking for a boardinghouse for me; I could not stay here because the Hunting Lodge was too lonely a place in the woods. - - Actually it isn't a forester's house, it is a Hunting Lodge, which was built a long time ago by an ancestor of the present duke for his mistress.

When the duke resided in Castle Ringhardt during the summer, he always wanted her close by.

He could not take her to Ringhardt Castle, because his mother lived there, so he built the hunting lodge, Finsterberg in the middle of the forest, three quarters of an hour from Ringhardt Castle.

It is a two-storey building with a wide overhanging roof and small window panes framed in lead.

At that time a forester, whose obligations included keeping the upper rooms in order, lived on the ground floor. -- Those times are long gone.

No mysterious stranger lives up there anymore, and the hoofbeat of a thoroughbred seldom jingles on the beautiful avenue that was laid out back then. – – – At Christmas, I was still allowed to stay with my grandparents, but it was a sad celebration; none of the three of us had the courage and desire for boisterous joy.

We moved silently past each other, as if there lay a deceased person in the house.

It lay like a spell over all of us. – – – A few days after New Year's Day, grandfather brought me here.

Here, at Frau Martin's, I am supposed to stay until the beginning of March. Then I will go to the maternity hospital that is here in the city.

What is then supposed to become of me when everything is done with, I do not know. I am unspeakably scared.

When grandfather left me, I thought the pain would break my heart.

And in vain, he tried to comfort me. Ihm selbst war auch gar weh ums Herz, denn kaum konnte er sprechen vor Rührung.

Grandmother is supposed to visit me soon. - - - Now I am alone.

I have a very simple, clean little room.

Mrs. Martin, with whom I live, is the widow of a civil servant and has rather limited means at her disposal.

I guess she is privy to my story, for she doesn't badger me with questions.

She is kind and good to me when home-sickness overly grips me.

I help her a little in the small inn, then I forget my misery, at least for a short time.

What shall I do all the time anyway?

I have so much spare time for thinking.

I write letters to Rudolph without ever sending one.

And now I even bought a diary though I am usually not in favor of such superfluous stuff...

I found diaries and friendship books always dreadful. - But this boredom! The many empty hours! - With whom should I talk? To whom am I to pour out my heart?

If I were older, I probably would not have such a need for affection.

Why am I still so young? So terribly young?

Would I also be here if my mother still lived? - - - 8 february.

Today I received a letter and a parcel from Grandma.

In it was a beautiful, warm dressing gown for me and also plenty of knick-knacks. Baby linens!

Oh, and from me! I had to cry. I wore all of that when I was a mite of a child.

I wonder if my mother made all these herself? Whether she was perhaps very happy when she held me in her arms.

I am not a bit pleased! How could I be! I wished my child were dead.

Mrs. Martin also tells me that the most unfortunate creatures in the world are these illegitimate children. ... No one loves them. They are pushed around wherever they are. ...

Perhaps Grandma will take me and my child in, I really would like that.

But no-one is supposed to know that I am having a child, that's why they brought me to this place. . . .

And Rudolph still never writes!

Doesn't he know where I am? ... --- 20th February.

I think that it was still nonsense that I bought myself a diary.

Some evenings when I open it and want to write something, nothing comes to me. I cannot simply write what I eat and drink all day long!

And otherwise, I experience nothing at all. I haven't gone into the town even once.

When I go for a walk in the evening when it is dark, I always choose the grounds that are in this area. I almost never meet a person there.

Am 1. März soll ich wahrscheinlich schon in die Anstalt. The doctor comes tomorrow and examines me, then he will determine when I am to go there.

When everything is over, I will be staying for a few weeks with Mrs. Martin again, till I have recovered completely.

If I only knew, what should become of me then. — — Den 22. Februar.

I am allowed to stay eight more days with Mrs. Martin.

Yesterday the doctor was here, it was horrible! I was so ashamed.

But when I did not want him to touch me, he became rude.

He is a vile character with rheumy fishy eyes, I do not like him at all.

Hoffentlich ist er gerade krank, wenn es so weit mit mir ist, und es ist ein anderer da.

Überhaupt fand ich es häßlich von ihm, gleich so grob zu mir zu sein. Das kann er sich doch denken, daß man sich schämt! Er ist doch ein Mann.

Will it be very bad? It is said to hurt a lot.

Maria Rettberg sagte es einmal, als wir noch zu Fräulein Fischer gingen.

Ihre große Schwester hatte ein Baby, und da hatte sie hinter der Portiere versteckt zugehört, wie die es ihrer Freundin erzählt hatte. Sie wäre beinahe gestorben.

But I do not want to die! I am still so young. — — — Den 28. April.

Eight weeks have passed since I last wrote in my booklet

Nun ist alles vorüber. I had to go earlier into hospital than it was set; the delivery came a bit too early.

Es war furchtbar! At the end I did no longer notice anything, I was unconscious. And that was well.

It would perhaps have been better if I had not regained consciousness, for my child is dead too.

That's what they at least say. But I don't believe it since they make all so peculiar faces at the same time. When I asked whether the child was stillborn, the nurse said yes.

And when I asked Mrs. Martin how long the child had lived, she said she didn't know exactly, only for a few hours.

But that is contradictory!

It was a boy. My child! Wie mir zumute ist bei dem Gedanken.

I perhaps previously often thought that it would be better if the child were dead and now I would like to have it so much. I would love it very much.

If I only knew the truth! But who will tell me the truth?

I've been back at Mrs Martin's again since yesterday. I now look like a boy, I have quite short hair.

That comes from the fever, said Mrs Martin, it makes your hair fall out. I was very ill, childbed fever!

It is said to be very bad, and at times they did not think that I would pull through. Grandma was with me for a long time but I didn't know that.

I am now very thin and pale, and Mrs. Martin says that I have still grown. That is quite possible, for at sixteen you can still continue growing.

Tomorrow I will write to my father so that he sends me Rudolph's address.

I should have done that previously because Grandma doesn't give it to me. We do have to get married soon now.

Thinking about it makes me feel rather odd. Ich weiß nicht – das alles liegt mir jetzt so weit ab – so gar nicht mehr, als ob ich die wäre, die in jenen schwülen, duftschweren Sommertagen heimliche Wege gewandelt.

Mein Blut ist so ruhig, und wenn ich an Rudolph denke, ist mir gar nicht mehr sehnsüchtig zu Sinn.

It is terrible! At times I think he doesn't mean anything to me at all. I do not understand myself. Denn das ist doch unmöglich! I do have to marry him!

Or perhaps I don't have to at all? If I could only speak to Grandma one more time! I won't be staying here much longer; in the woods under my beautiful trees I can recuperate much better.

Is there a nicer place that under my beloved firs? I could drink goat milk and take long walks.

Where does it get more beautiful than on the narrow moss-padded hunting path, between the slender trunks of the pine trees where it is so cool and pure?

I will write that they should take me home, otherwise I will become ill again. --- I have to write a lot this time. Do I still know everything exactly?

Eight days after my release from the hospital, grandfather brought me home.

They continued to be very good to me, both of them. Much too good, I know well.

But grandma says that I was too young and inexperienced and Rudolph alone is to blame. ...

"Don't I have to marry him, grandma?" I hesitatingly asked.

"Oh child, that is the wicked part of it anyhow. He has no intention of doing it.

His father has died and he has now told your grandfather that he has to pay off his two sisters and therefore can only marry a rich woman.

A farmer who has no money of his own cannot survive for long." For a moment I sat completely still. I didn't know if I should be glad or if I should be sad.

But what now? Back to my father? He would make things really unpleasant for me!

But this was not yet everything that grandma had to say to me.

Father is no longer at Neuhof. The whole story fell apart soon after my departure.

Grandma said: "Although you are still very young, considering all the circumstances, and because I assume that what you have been through now has matured you beyond your years, I want to tell you what you never would have been allowed to hear if everything had turned out differently." And so I learned everything. It became clear to me now what I often only suspected when I heard father's sayings and abusive words. - He isn't even my real father.

My father was a member of the nobility who was not allowed to marry my mom because she was only a poor commoner's daughter.

However, so that I would not be born out of wedlock, mother had married Georg Albrecht.

In return, he received a very favorable lease for the Neuhof estate. For myself, a total of 50,000 marks was deposited which he would have the right to use until I became of legal age.

And now? Everything has gone!

Father has not paid any more rent for a long time, it has been constantly deferred for him, and now it has come out that he has also run through my money.

All of it turned into champagne with frivolous women. That's how things stand for me now. Because father has wasted my money on frivolous women, Rudolph cannot marry me.

Because if I had 50,000 marks, I would be a rich woman.

But, am I really sad that Rudolph doesn't want me?

Not really! If I think about it properly, I feel rather relieved by the thought. If I only knew what should become of me! ,,,

Another man will also not want me because I think the people here know everything.

And anyway, I don't want to have one at all. Men are all bad! All of them! ... Only Grandfather is good! I want to get an education, then there is no need to marry a man. ... -- I wonder if I should ask Grandmother if my child really is dead?

But why do I feel so strange when I think about it. After having fainted, in semi-consciousness, I did hear the crying of a child. -- My hair is growing again! With every passing day, I am feeling better. --- I am happy! At the very moment when one sees no way out, the hand of God, sometimes comes from a corner, least expected, to your rescue. - I will go to America!

It only needed four words, and yet it means so much.

But to explain it calmly and reasonably!

Well now: Grandma's only sister lives over there.

For a long time. The sisters wrote to each other now and then, but the correspondence hasn't really been very frequent in recent years.

Die Großmutter hat nun auch mein Unglück nach drüben berichtet, und da hat die Großtante geschrieben, ich solle nach drüben kommen.

She has always wished for a little daughter. After a few years, if I longed to see my grandparents again, I could certainly visit them again.

I was so very happy, I laughed and cried a the same time.

Da war die Großmutter sehr traurig, aber dann sagte sie, auch sie sähe ein, daß es das beste für mich sei, und ich solle in Zukunft so leben, daß ich täglich und stündlich bestrebt sei, das auszulöschen, was ich unbewußt gesündigt. not sure whether "for my sin" shouldn't be added? -- Now I don't rightly know, how I feel. I am glad but then again sad at the same time. But joy out weighs sadness. - I will be very diligent in America, so I will be rich soon, then I will come back, but I won't be marrying Rudolph Schönewald no more.

I hate him! - Grandma now buys me all kinds of beatiful things, linens and clothes.

Already on the 28th of May, I am to travel. Ein Brief an die Großtante ist schon fort, und ein Platz auf dem Dampfer ist auch bestellt. Both grandparents travel with me to Bremen.

I have so many things to do now that I won't be able to keep my diary for a long time.
unit 2
Teil: Kindheit Zum letzten Male liegst du vor mir, mein treuer Weggenoß.
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unit 3
Zum letzten Male, ehe ich dich hinausschicke in die Welt.
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unit 6
Und war es nicht gut, daß ich noch so jung war?
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unit 9
Von dem Schmerz, der Bitterkeit jener Tage spüre ich nichts, gar nichts mehr.
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unit 10
Vielleicht, weil ich jetzt verstehe, wie alles kommen konnte, ja, wie alles kommen mußte.
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unit 12
Und war es denn überhaupt ein Vergehen?
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unit 13
War es Sünde?
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unit 14
Meine arme Mutter, was wußte sie von Sünde in ihrer Waldeinsamkeit?
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unit 17
Mehr als für Ruhe und Glück des Mädchens gut war.
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unit 18
— — — Der Prinz war ein schöner Mann, und das Försterkind liebte ihn.
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unit 19
Sie mußte ihn ja lieben!
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unit 21
Wer will da von Schuld und Sünde sprechen?
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unit 23
Und Lisbeth mußte heiraten.
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unit 24
Zwar nicht den Prinzen, wohl aber seinen Büchsenspanner.
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unit 25
Alles Sträuben half nichts, der Vater war unerbittlich!
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unit 26
Hoheit wünschte es, so war es für ihn Befehl.
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unit 28
— Ich beneide jeden, der auf eine frohe, ungetrübte Kindheit zurückblicken kann.
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unit 29
Meine ersten Erinnerungen haften an einzelnen häßlichen Szenen im Elternhause.
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unit 31
Später entsinne ich mich, daß die Mutter immer krank war.
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unit 32
Häßliche Auftritte gab es auch da noch.
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unit 33
Ich fürchte, ich habe die Mutter nicht so geliebt, wie sie es um mich verdient hat.
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unit 34
Ihr stilles Dulden lag meiner wilden, aufbrausenden Natur nicht.
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unit 36
Obgleich ich die Bedeutung der Worte gar nicht verstand.
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unit 37
— Ich war noch nicht zwölf Jahre alt, als meine Mutter starb.
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unit 41
Lichtblicke waren es, wenn ich zu den Großeltern durfte.
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unit 42
Bei ihnen war ich daheim.
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unit 44
unit 45
Liebe zu mir war es nicht, die ihn dazu trieb, mich wieder zu holen.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 47
Und das war wohl meistens der Fall.
3 Translations, 4 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 48
Das flotte Leben, das er führte, verschlang zu viel.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 50
Ich war neugierig, sehr neugierig.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 51
Aber die alte Rosine schalt mich aus, wenn ich sie fragte.
3 Translations, 4 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 52
»Du hast geträumt, Kind!
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 53
In der Nacht schläft man.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 54
Wo sollten hier denn Damen herkommen?« Ich hatte aber doch nicht geträumt.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 55
Ich weiß es jetzt.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 56
Mein Tagebuch.
2 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 58
Nun ich aber davorsitze, weiß ich gar nicht, was ich schreiben soll.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 59
Ich erlebe so gar nichts.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 60
Soll ich schreiben, daß ich sehr unglücklich bin?
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 61
Das kann ich nicht!
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 62
Ich bin mir selbst nicht recht klar über mein Empfinden.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 64
Die Großeltern werden schon für mich sorgen, sie haben es ja immer getan.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 65
— Und Rudolph?
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 66
Wie kommt es, daß ich so wenig an ihn denke in meiner Verbannung?
3 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 67
Und wie kommt es, daß ich keine Nachricht von ihm bekomme?
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 68
Ist sein Vater noch immer nicht gesund?
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 69
— Den 4.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 70
Februar.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 71
Ich sitze wieder vor meinem Tagebuch und weiß nicht, was ich schreiben soll.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 72
unit 73
— — Ich war im Frühjahr fünfzehn Jahre alt und sollte Ostern konfirmiert werden.
3 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 74
Unser Inspektor war zum 1.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 75
Januar gegangen, und Vater war immer in einer fürchterlichen Laune.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 76
Ich ging mit den andern Dorfkindern zu Pastor Eckebrecht in die Konfirmandenstunde.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 78
Auch ob Vater oft abends zur Stadt führe.
3 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 79
Am Palmsonntag kamen die Großeltern; das war mir das Liebste an der ganzen Konfirmation.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 80
Die Großmutter backte immer so schönen Rosinenkuchen.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 82
Ich freute mich, als er weg war.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 83
Mit den Großeltern allein war es viel schöner.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 85
Was, das wußte ich nicht, war mir auch einerlei.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 86
Mir war die Hauptsache, daß ich fortkam.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 89
— — Ich bin auch fortgekommen – aber schön ist es hier nicht.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 90
— — Am ersten April war ein Volontär bei uns eingetreten.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 91
Der Sohn eines Gutsbesitzers aus dem Hessischen.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 92
Er war sehr hübsch, so flott und lustig, daß wir bald gute Freunde waren.
3 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 94
unit 95
Bei uns kam es nicht so genau darauf an.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 96
Er bezahlte eine schöne Summe dazu, und das konnte mein Vater gut gebrauchen.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 97
— — Rudolph war noch nicht vier Wochen bei uns, als wir uns schon heimlich trafen.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 98
Bald im Feld, bald im nahen Gehölz.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 99
Ich liebte ihn sehr, und er nannte mich seine süße, kleine Lotte.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 100
Ob er mich ebensosehr geliebt, wie ich ihn?
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 101
Ich zweifle jetzt oft daran.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 102
Wenn ich darüber nachdenke, ist mir, als ob er viel kühler und ruhiger gewesen sei als ich.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 103
Er hat wohl schon mehr junge Mädchen gekannt und geliebt.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 104
— Für mich war es etwas Neues, Überwältigendes.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 105
Ich war in jenen seligen, duftschweren Sommerwochen wie im Fieber.
4 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 106
Ich war gar nicht ich selbst.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 107
Dieses heimliche Suchen und Finden.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 108
— — — Ich war so selig, alles in mir drängte diesem Manne entgegen.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 109
— — Heuernte!
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 110
Sonnenflimmer und Blumenduft!
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 111
Seit Tagen war schönes Wetter; die Heuernte war im vollen Gange.
3 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 112
Alles was Arme hatte, mußte helfen.
3 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 113
Auch ich half.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 114
Ob ich auch geholfen haben würde, wenn der Verwalter nicht Rudolph Schönewald gewesen wäre?
3 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 115
— Wir waren beim Heuabladen.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 116
Auf dem Wagen unten stand der Großknecht, und in der Luke stand Rudolph und nahm ab.
3 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 117
Ich stand etwas zurück und nahm Rudolph das Heu ab.
2 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 118
Oben auf dem Heu waren noch zwei Kleinmägde, die es verstauten.
3 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 119
Alle anderen, Tagelöhner, Knechte, Mägde und Schnitter, waren auf dem Feld beim Dörren.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 121
unit 122
Ich krabbelte mich heraus, nahm einen Arm voll und tat das gleiche.
2 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 125
— — Tagelang war ich wie betäubt.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 126
Ob man mir etwas ansah?
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 127
Ich wagte mich gar nicht aus dem Hause.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 128
Konnte mir denn nicht jeder von der Stirne lesen, was ich getan?
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 129
Doch nichts geschah, alles war wie bisher.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 130
Alles war wie bisher, nur ich war eine andere.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 131
— Drei Tage ließ ich mich nicht vor Rudolph sehen, dann hielt ich es nicht mehr aus.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 132
Ich mußte ihn sehen, ich mußte wissen, was er von mir dachte.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 133
War er auch in einer solch kläglichen Stimmung?
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 134
Schämte er sich auch?
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 135
Ich mußte ihn sprechen, aber nicht am Tage.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 136
Ich würde ihm nicht in die Augen sehen können.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 137
— — Gegen Abend, als es dunkel war, ging ich den gewohnten, ihm bekannten Weg.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 138
Meine Hoffnung trog mich nicht, schon nach kurzer Zeit kam er mir nach.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 139
Ich konnte die Augen nicht aufschlagen, als er zu mir trat.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 140
»Wo bist du gewesen, Lotte?
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 141
Warum bist du die ganzen Tage nicht einmal herausgekommen?« fragte er.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 142
Ich hob die Augen und sah ihm ins Gesicht.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 143
Doch da stand nichts als ein leichtes Verwundern über mein ihm unerklärliches Fernbleiben.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 144
War es denn möglich!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 145
War das, was mich bis ins Innerste aufgerüttelt, für ihn gar nichts?
3 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 146
Ich war eine andere seit jener Stunde, und er?
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 150
Liebten wir uns denn nicht?
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 151
Wen ging es etwas an, wenn wir die heimliche Süßigkeit der Liebe auskosteten?
2 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 153
— — Der Sommer ist hin und mit ihm meine rosenrote, geheimnisvolle Verliebtheit.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 155
Wir konnten kaum Abschied nehmen, so rasch ging alles.
3 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 156
Ich war ganz unglücklich.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 157
Kam er wieder, ehe ich fortging?
3 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 158
Würde ich ihn noch einmal sehen, ehe ich in ein Pensionat kam?
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 159
Ich war überhaupt in einer ganz schrecklichen Stimmung.
3 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 160
Schon seit einigen Wochen fühlte ich mich gar nicht besonders wohl.
3 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 161
Mir war oft so übel des Morgens, daß ich kaum den Kopf erheben konnte.
3 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 162
Am liebsten wäre ich jetzt hier geblieben.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 163
unit 164
Rosine war auch gar nicht gut zu mir, den ganzen Tag schalt sie mit mir herum.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 165
Am liebsten wäre ich zur Großmutter gegangen.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 166
Da, am zweiten Sonntag nach Rudolphs Abreise, kam plötzlich ganz unerwartet die Großmutter.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 167
Ich weiß nicht, mir war seltsam beklommen, als sie mir in die Augen sah.
3 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 169
Ich konnte nicht antworten, ich weinte mit; obgleich ich gar nicht wußte worüber.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 170
Mir war nur plötzlich so bange, so seltsam ahnungsvoll zumute.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 171
Und dann erfuhr ich den Grund von Großmutters Kommen.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 174
Ich erzählte.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 175
Die Großmutter saß ganz still.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 176
Sie sah so gramvoll vor sich nieder, daß ich hätte laut aufschreien können.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 180
Am andern Tage war ich in der Försterei.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 181
Der tiefe Friede, der um das liebe, alte Haus lag, tat mir wohl.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 182
Der Waldbach, der durch den Garten rauschte, sang mir sein wundersames Lied.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 183
Ich fühlte mich geborgen.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 185
Doch nichts von alledem geschah.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 186
Der Großvater sagte gar nichts.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 187
– Nur schien mir, sein Gang sei noch gebückter und sein Haar noch weißer geworden.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 188
— — Was würde aus mir werden?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 190
Den Namen seines väterlichen Gutes wußte ich, aber wo lag es?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 191
Oder war Rudolph schon wieder in Neuhof?
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 192
Die Großeltern wagte ich gar nicht zu fragen.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 193
Hätten sie mich doch gescholten, ich glaube, mir wäre wohler gewesen.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 196
unit 200
— — Jene Zeiten sind lange vorbei.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 203
Lautlos, als läge ein Toter im Hause, gingen wir aneinander hin.
3 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 204
Es lag wie ein Bann über uns allen.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 205
— — — Einige Tage nach Neujahr hat mich der Großvater hierher gebracht.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 207
Was dann mit mir werden soll, wenn alles vorüber ist, ich weiß es nicht.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 208
Mir ist unsäglich bange.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 209
Als der Großvater von mir ging, meinte ich, das Herz müßte mir brechen vor Weh.
3 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 210
Und vergebens versuchte er mich zu trösten.
3 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 212
Großmutter soll mich bald besuchen.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 213
— — — Nun bin ich allein.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 214
Ich habe ein ganz einfaches, sauberes Stübchen.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 216
unit 217
Sie ist lieb und gut zu mir und tröstet mich, wenn mich das Heimweh gar zu sehr packt.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 219
Was soll ich auch immer tun?
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 220
Ich habe so viel überflüssige Zeit zum Denken.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 221
Ich schreibe Briefe an Rudolph, ohne je einen abzusenden.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 223
Tagebücher und Poesiealbums waren mir immer greulich.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 224
— Aber die Langeweile!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 225
Die vielen unausgefüllten Stunden!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 226
— Mit wem soll ich sprechen?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 227
Wem soll ich mein Herz ausschütten?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 228
Wenn ich älter wäre, hätte ich wohl nicht solches Anlehnungsbedürfnis.
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 229
Warum bin ich noch so jung?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 230
So furchtbar jung?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 231
Ob ich wohl auch hier wäre, wenn meine Mutter noch lebte?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 232
— — — Den 8.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 233
Februar.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 234
Heute hatte ich einen Brief und ein Paket von der Großmutter.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 235
Ein schöner, warmer Schlafrock für mich war darin und dann noch eine Menge kleiner Sächelchen.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 236
Kinderwäsche!
2 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 237
Ach, und von mir!
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 238
Ich mußte weinen.
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 239
Das alles habe ich angehabt, als ganz kleines Würmchen.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 240
Ob wohl meine Mutter alles selbst gemacht hat?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 241
Ob sie sich wohl sehr gefreut hat, als sie mich in den Armen hielt?
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 242
Ich freue mich gar nicht!
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 243
Wie könnte ich auch!
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 244
Ich wünschte, mein Kind wäre tot.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 245
unit 246
Niemand liebe sie.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 247
Überall würden sie herumgestoßen.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 248
Vielleicht nimmt Großmutter mich mit dem Kinde zu sich, ich wollte es schon recht gern haben.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 250
Und Rudolph schreibt noch immer nicht!
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 251
Ob er nicht weiß, wo ich bin?
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 252
— — — Den 20.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 253
Februar.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 254
Ich glaube, es war doch Unsinn, daß ich mir ein Tagebuch gekauft habe.
3 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 255
Manchmal abends, wenn ich es öffne und hineinschreiben will, dann weiß ich nichts.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 256
Ich kann doch nicht bloß hineinschreiben, was ich den Tag über esse und trinke!
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 257
Und sonst erlebe ich ganz und gar nichts.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 258
In die Stadt bin ich noch nicht einmal gekommen.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 259
Wenn ich abends im Dunkeln spazieren gehe, suche ich immer die Anlagen auf, die hierhinaus liegen.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 260
Da begegne ich fast nie einem Menschen.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 261
Am 1.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 262
März soll ich wahrscheinlich schon in die Anstalt.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 263
Der Arzt kommt morgen und untersucht mich, dann wird er sagen, wann ich hinkommen soll.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 265
Wenn ich nur wüßte, was dann aus mir werden soll!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 266
— — Den 22.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 267
Februar.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 268
Ich darf noch acht Tage länger bei Frau Martin bleiben.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 269
Gestern war der Doktor hier, es war gräßlich!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 270
Ich habe mich so geschämt.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 271
Aber als ich mich nicht anfassen lassen wollte, wurde er grob.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 272
Er ist ein widerlicher Kerl mit wässerigen Schellfischaugen, ich mag ihn gar nicht.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 274
Überhaupt fand ich es häßlich von ihm, gleich so grob zu mir zu sein.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 275
Das kann er sich doch denken, daß man sich schämt!
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 276
Er ist doch ein Mann.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 277
Ob es wohl sehr schlimm ist?
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 278
Es soll sehr wehe tun.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 279
unit 281
Sie wäre beinahe gestorben.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 282
Aber ich will nicht sterben!
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 283
Ich bin noch so jung.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 284
— — — Den 28.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 285
April.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 286
Acht Wochen sind es her, seit ich zuletzt in mein Büchlein geschrieben.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 287
Nun ist alles vorüber.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 288
Ich mußte doch früher in die Anstalt, als bestimmt war; die Niederkunft kam etwas zu früh.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 289
Es war furchtbar!
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 290
Zuletzt habe ich gar nichts mehr davon gewußt, ich war besinnungslos.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 291
Und das war gut.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 293
Sie sagen wenigstens so.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 294
Aber ich glaub' es nicht, sie machen alle so sonderbare Gesichter dabei.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 295
Als ich fragte, ob es schon totgeboren sei, sagte die Schwester ja.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 297
Das widerspricht sich doch!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 298
Ein Knabe ist es gewesen.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 299
Mein Kind!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 300
Wie mir zumute ist bei dem Gedanken.
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 302
Ich würde es doch sehr liebhaben.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 303
Wenn ich nur die Wahrheit wüßte!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 304
Aber wer wird sie mir sagen?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 305
Seit gestern bin ich nun wieder bei Frau Martin.
3 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 306
Ich sehe jetzt wie ein Junge aus, ganz kurze Haare habe ich.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 307
Das kommt von der Krankheit, sagt Frau Martin, da gehen einem immer die Haare aus.
3 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 308
Ich bin sehr krank gewesen, Kindbettfieber!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 309
Es soll sehr schlimm sein, und manchmal haben sie nicht gedacht, daß ich durchkommen würde.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 310
Großmutter ist lange bei mir gewesen, ich hab's aber nicht gewußt.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 311
Ich bin jetzt sehr mager und blaß, und Frau Martin sagt, ich sei noch gewachsen.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 312
Das ist ja auch gut möglich, mit sechzehn Jahren kann man noch lange wachsen.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 313
Morgen will ich an Vater schreiben, damit er mir Rudolphs Adresse schreibt.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 314
Ich hätte es schon früher tun sollen, denn Großmutter sagt's mir doch nicht.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 315
Wir müssen doch nun bald heiraten.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 316
Mir ist ganz sonderbar bei dem Gedanken.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 319
Es ist schrecklich!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 320
Ich glaube zuweilen, er ist mir ganz gleichgültig.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 321
Ich verstehe mich selbst nicht.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 322
Denn das ist doch unmöglich!
0 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity None
unit 323
Ich muß ihn doch heiraten!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 324
Oder muß ich vielleicht gar nicht?
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 325
Könnte ich doch einmal mit der Großmutter sprechen!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 327
Gibt es ein schöneres Plätzchen, als unter meinen geliebten Tannen?
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 328
Ich könnte Ziegenmilch trinken und weite Spaziergänge machen.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 330
Ich will schreiben, sie sollen mich heimnehmen, sonst werde ich wieder krank.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 331
— — — Ich habe viel zu schreiben diesmal.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 332
Ob ich noch alles genau weiß?
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 333
Schon acht Tage nach meiner Entlassung aus der Anstalt holte Großvater mich nach Hause.
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 334
Sie waren noch immer sehr gut zu mir, alle beide.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 335
Viel zu gut, ich weiß es wohl.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 336
unit 337
»Muß ich ihn denn nicht heiraten, Großmutter?« fragte ich zagend.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 338
»Ach Kind, das ist ja gerade das Schlimme.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 339
Er denkt nicht dran.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 342
Was aber nun?
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 343
Wieder zum Vater?
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 344
Der würde schön mit mir umspringen!
3 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 345
Aber das war noch nicht alles, was die Großmutter mir zu sagen hatte.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 346
Vater ist gar nicht mehr auf Neuhof.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 347
Die ganze Geschichte ist bald nach meiner Abreise zusammengebrochen.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 350
— Er ist gar nicht mein rechter Vater.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 352
Damit ich aber nicht als uneheliches Kind geboren wurde, hat die Mutter Georg Albrecht geheiratet.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 353
Dafür hat er die Pachtung der Domäne Neuhof sehr billig bekommen.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 355
Und nun?
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 356
Alles ist fort!
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 358
Alles mit leichtsinnigen Weibern in Champagner umgesetzt.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 359
So geht es mir nun.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 360
unit 361
Denn hätte ich die 50 000 Mark, dann wäre ich eine reiche Frau.
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 362
Aber bin ich denn überhaupt traurig, daß Rudolph mich nicht haben will?
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 363
Eigentlich nicht!
1 Translations, 3 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 364
Wenn ich es mir recht überlege, dann fühle ich mich eher erleichtert bei dem Gedanken.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 365
Wenn ich nur erst wüßte, was aus mir werden soll!
3 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 366
Ein anderer Mann wird mich auch nicht wollen, denn ich glaube, die Leute hier wissen doch alles.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 367
Und überhaupt, ich will auch gar keinen haben, die Männer sind alle schlecht!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 368
Alle!
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 369
Nur Großvater ist gut!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 370
— Ich will etwas lernen, dann brauch' ich keinen Mann zu heiraten.
4 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 371
— — Ob ich Großmutter mal frage, ob mein Kind wirklich tot ist?
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 372
Warum mir nur so sonderbar ist, wenn ich daran denke.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 373
Ich habe doch in meiner Ohnmacht, in der halben Bewußtlosigkeit das Schreien eines Kindes gehört!
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 374
— — Mein Haar wächst wieder!
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 375
Ich fühle mich mit jedem Tage wohler.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 376
— — — Ich bin glücklich!
1 Translations, 2 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 378
— Ich gehe nach Amerika!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 379
Mit vier Worten ist es gesagt, und birgt doch so viel in sich.
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 380
Aber nur ruhig und vernünftig!
2 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 381
Also: Die Großmutter hat ihre einzige Schwester drüben.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 382
Lange schon.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 385
Sie habe sich schon immer ein Töchterchen gewünscht.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 387
Ich freute mich sehr, ich lachte und weinte in einem Atem.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 389
Das sei die beste Sühne.
2 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 390
— — Nun weiß ich nicht recht, wie mir ist.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 391
Ich freue mich und bin doch auch wieder traurig.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 392
Aber die Freude überwiegt.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 394
Ich hasse ihn!
1 Translations, 1 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 395
— Großmutter kauft mir jetzt allerlei schöne Sachen, Wäsche und Kleider.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 396
Schon am 28.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 397
Mai soll ich fahren.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 399
Die Großeltern fahren beide mit nach Bremen.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
unit 400
Ich habe sehr viel zu tun jetzt, da werde ich lange nicht einschreiben können.
1 Translations, 0 Upvotes, Last Activity 1 year, 4 months ago
Merlin57 • 3754  translated  unit 368  1 year, 4 months ago
Merlin57 • 3754  translated  unit 355  1 year, 4 months ago
Merlin57 • 3754  translated  unit 233  1 year, 4 months ago
Siri • 1143  translated  unit 232  1 year, 4 months ago
bf2010 • 4794  translated  unit 253  1 year, 4 months ago
bf2010 • 4794  translated  unit 252  1 year, 4 months ago
bf2010 • 4794  translated  unit 233  1 year, 4 months ago
Siri • 1143  translated  unit 113  1 year, 4 months ago
bf2010 • 4794  translated  unit 69  1 year, 4 months ago
Merlin57 • 3754  translated  unit 70  1 year, 4 months ago
Merlin57 • 3754  translated  unit 56  1 year, 4 months ago
3Bn37Arty • 2765  translated  unit 56  1 year, 4 months ago
Siri • 1143  translated  unit 363  1 year, 4 months ago
Siri • 1143  translated  unit 394  1 year, 4 months ago